Narcissism

The other day my sister and her almost husband came to dinner, and we started discussing blogs... They are both of the opinion that people who write blogs do so for narcissistic, vane and utterly mundane reasons.

My sister is a bright one, she is, and so is my brother (almost) in law, so I let you ghosts of mine with this consideration: You do not exist, you are only a reflection of my narcissistic mind, which has the need to elaborate complicated phantomly personalities who are desperatly in awe to hear whatever nonsense I have to say...

So this post is not really for you, ghostly constructs of my imagination, don't bother to leave an unexistant comment below, this is for myself, because I'm bored to death, and because aknowledging one's flaws is actually a very healthy excercise.

P.S: I love you Caro and Cesar!!! :)

Diet, diet, diet!!!

Picture from: http://completewellbeing.com/article/get-fat-free-get-healthy/

Hello my gostly friends, it's been a while. I know You've missed me, I know, but frankly, it is you own fault that I haven't been more active... yes, your fault!, Imagine how I feel when I get absolutely no feedback on my posts! It's quite boring, you know, talking to a bunch of spectres...

But anyways, I'm here again (that isn't quite sane of me is it?, just a tiny bit masochist perhaps?), and I want to tell you about y diet. Yes, I'm on a diet (finally) to lose that unpleasant extra weight that I've complained about at least once in this blog (I think it was the post about jealousy).
So the diet I'm doing is a famous and controverted one that started in France. Yep, you guessed right, it is the protein based diet, Dukan Method, and although I don't get hungry and the kilos are vanishing rapidly from my body, I am finding it quite troublesome.
You see, I started with the firm determination of losing 15 kilos (God knows I simply don't get how you english-spoken people can understand your inches and pounds, so let's talk about kilos instead) which would lead me to my ideal weight (more or less, I bet if I told an American what I'm aiming to weight they would ask me why do I want to keep on being fat, but for Chilean standards 58 kilos is quite reasonable, and honestly, less than most of the women about my height weight) So you do the math and tell me (not) what I was weighting when this diet started. Currently I have lost round 4 kilos (yesterday they were 5, but today we're back at 4), and with help of a cosmetic treatment, I've also lost 10 centimeters on my lower abdomen, and 6 on my upper one and waist (not bad huh?). People tell me the change is impressive, and I can tell my clothes are becpoming increasingly loose, but all of this doesn't seems to be enough for me... You see, I want to eat different stuff (more than anything, I crave for bread), and I want to go out and be able to drink a beer or a glass of wine or whatever! I honestly miss drinking much more than I expected I would. I miss going out with my boyfriend, and get together with my friends and drink, and eat chips, or fries or crisps, or whatever tey're called (now I think about it, I miss both crispy fried potatoes and those that serve you at restaurants, so there), and going out for ice-cream with my friends (it's summer here, and quite a hot one too) and I miss making cupcakes and be able to taste them. Atually, now that I can't taste them, baking has become an obligation instead of a pleasure, and as I hate having obligations when on break, I am now totally broke, npot being able to sell yummy stuff.
I thought I was bipolar till two days ago, when I talked to a friend that told me that every girl he has known that has been on a diet becomes a monster as soon as they drop the tasty, full of fat and calories, food. So now I'm not worried about losing my mind, only about how to mantain the diet and not loose myself in the meantime, and I tell you, it is HARD. I think I'm gonna lose it every day, and every day I wonder if it is worthy, and every day I fantasize of sweets and sandwiches and chips/crisps and chips/fries and whatnot....... F*ck, i'm in that place again........

See ya around, hopefully thinner and having stuck to the plan

Cupcakes!

It's been a while, a looong while, I know, and I have a lot of things to say. First of all, I finished my reiki sessions, and I'm like a whole new person, full of energy and as happy as a lark! Secondly, I've started my classes again, after 6 months of strike, and I'm not a t all on study mode hahaha, it's quite difficult to keep track on one's studies when one hasn't been studying for so long, but here I am, trying hard not to be left aside. Finally, I've started my own business!! Yeeyy. For that I must thank two special people: Jenny (for all the reiki and therapy that allowed me to stand on my feet again and start working hard) and Alma (from http://www.almascupcakes.es/ and http://www.objetivocupcake.com/), who has been my sole inspiration to start baking myself, and I've realized that I love baking, it makes me feel great! So, I'm not even CLOSE to achieve Alma's dexterity, but I don't even WANT to emulate her, she is just so perfect that I know I couldn't make it (besides, she is very skillfull in the photograph section, and I'm just a disastrous photographer), and my cupcakes sell well enough even if they're not as pretty as they should be. Soo here are some pictures of my beloved morsels (I won't embarrass myself by posting some of Alma's work, you can go on and click on her links and be astonished at her amazing skill and yummy cupcakes if you want to) and a big kiss and a million hugs to all of you ghosts of my soul :)

PS: I also do cake-bons and cookies :)

Bad thoughts

So here we are. A lot of time has passed since my last confession (I mean post), and all I have to say is that I'm a sinner, 'cause I've been having bad thoughts, and dreams, and wishes. But that's not the bad part, the worst (and what's making me feel like a rat) is that I enjoy such toughts, dreams and wishes, and even though I tell myself I shan't fall into temptation, I keep having and enjoying those damn thoughts (and dreams and wishes, of course).

The only thing I can say to my favor is that I'm currently producing something based on that stuff instead of daydreaming or reading it out of my system. That's right, writing this sh***t IS considered a productive way of using my time... who would say, huh?

So anyyyway, I'm sick of feeling like a rat, and I'll do something about it: I'll try and entertain you ghosts of mine for a little while. How, you ask? well, I tell you, I have absolutely no idea.... Any piece of advice?
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Oh, that's right, you're ghosts, and generally mute, you haven't have fun since you actually existed, so you cannot help ME being a bit more entertaining... That actually helps me feel better about myself, even if I'm still in my ratty mood, I could be doing a lot worse, like you, and not existing at all... hum, thank you phantom hord, I feel much better now. I guess I can rely on you from now on, for whenever I'm down :)

So, that would be it!

Have a nice eternity of boredom!!

PS: I don't actually BELIEVE I'm a sinner... that's for people who believe in Christmas.

Mourning time

I just wanted to pay my respects at the lovely writer Diana Wynne Jones, who died, as I just heard, this March. I'm really sad at these news, for I have become a steady fan of her, and have been feeling like I knew her through her lovely books.
I must say that Diana's fantasy worlds, filled with magic and color have been a recent and marvellous discovery, they have transported me to my childhood in a most wonderful way, and have satiated my desire for magic in a way no other book nor movie has ever done before. I am feeling her death deeply, and I want to loudly declare that the world needed her more than she could have suspected...

Thank you Diana, for all those hours of pleasure and enterteinment, for your kind english lessons and for the great inspiration that your marvelous stories have given and keep on giving to me.

When I was a skinhead and my cupcakes :)

Today, the photos come directly from my cell phone, so that crazy looking girl with a bald head is actually me, and no, I've never actually been a skinhead, and I don't think I'll ever be, thank you for the vote of trust, but YES I cut my hair off quite a while ago, and that's how I looked when I came off the beauty parlor and at the end of this post you'll see how I look now.
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Did you look at it already?
Yes?
Ok, then I can continue.
As you may have noticed on the bottom picture, I have a sweet looking pastry on my hand, and I must say, most proudly, that that little pastry is one of the first stack of cupcakes I have ever made.


And Even though I shouldn't, I must say that they looked adorable, and tasted delicious! The only thing was that my papers were average white ones, and that they came out of the oven stained and transparent, as you can see. The recipee and decoration, by the way, are a step by step copy of those Alma does, at her fabulous blog: http://www.objetivocupcake.com/, at the sundae cupcakes entry.

Then I made a cake with the same recipee (less the chocolate cover and plus a berries' jam filling) that I didn't even bother to photograph, because I screw up the decoration big time (even thou it came out just as delicious as the cupcakes), and with the remains I made a secon stack:


Finally, I used the remaining icing on these mini-cupcakes I made for a visit from my sister:

As you can see, there's a lot of them, but I made them this afternoon, and there are now 7 left... and I believe those seven won't survive till tomorrow (Of course I gave some to my sister and some to my cousin, who came afterwards and emphatically specified that his fiancée wouldn't even get to see them), but as I write the mini cupcakes are slowly disapiearing into my and my mum's stomach hehehe.

So, my beautiful phantoms (that's right, one of the good things of being imaginary followers and readers of my blog is that you all get to be beautiful), I'll leave you with the promised photo that shows my scruffy look, and my cute cupcake :)

Hugs and kisses (and that's the other good thing of being my followers ;)

Green flowers

So, it's been a while since I see you guys, but I'm here now with something for you. As you can't possibly know, because I haven't written here in a huge amount of time, I'm seeing a Reiki therapist, who has helped me unbelievably, seriously, I'm so happy to be doing this stuff I MUST recomend it to ALL of you, non-existent people to try it as well (maybe that way you will finally become real children!).
But my post is not about reiki and it's wonders, no. It is about something reiki got me thinking about... My grandma.
You'll see, my granny died when I was really young, and that was a terrible loss for me, because when I was even younger, she spent almost all her time with me, and when I grew up a little bit she remained a close companion, quietly accepting my childhood needs of spending time at my friend's houses and watching too much TV for my own good.
One of my first memories of her depicts her in thye tiny room she lived at before we moved to a bigger house. It was dark, illuminated by a yellow nightstand lamp, and completely filled by her huge embroidering frame (she didn't actually embroidered, but did a labor called "malla" in spanish and (Oh, what a discovery!) filet in english).


There was also a huge doll (I was like three, so maybe it wasn't THAT huge) called Lola, and dressed like a Gypsy. I adored that doll, but of course I wasn't alloud to play with her, because she was a very dear souvenir for my grandma, but I never recented that fact, I just loved to watch her and listen to my granny while I was at it. Many, many years later (almost 20 years) I named my little dog after that doll. I wanted her to have a coquetish name, and my thoughts flew to the gypsy Lola, with dark eyes and curly brown hair.
She also had a little TV set, and a little virgin Mary made of white hard plastic that she said looked over all of us in the house.

So this was my grandma, I called her "agolita" (a misspronunciation of "abuelita" which means granny) and really loved her, even though in her final years I took her for granted and sometimes got mad at her when she wouldnt let me play with my neighbours and my mum's makeup box at the front yard XD.

Whe she died I found it hard to cry. I was just angry at the doctors, and at myself. I remember entering her room and kissing her goodbye, but I really couldn't understand how her body was there and yet she wasn't. It was sad, very sad...

But we're not here for the sadness people!!! we're here to share one of the magical, beautiful moments life has presented me with. A few days ago, I passed by a flowershop near my house and had to walk over my steps to look at it again. It had a bunch of beautifully green flowers, just like the ones in the picture. I was amazed, for I've never seen green flowers before, but I've heard about them many years ago, on a country trip I took with my family and one friend when I was very little. There we were, at a kind of medow, walking happilly and talking about the colors of flowers, me and my friend, when my granny said "You know, there are green flowers too" we laughed at her and told her that the grass was green, not flowers "No" she said "there are green flowers, and I've seen them before". We were stonished, and spent the rest of the day looking for such marvels as green flowers. In the end we found some clovers or shamrocks and brought the to her, very satisfied "Yes" she laughed "those are green flowers too, but not the ones I was telling you about."

Many years have past, and I know nothing of my childhood friend, but the finding of those green flowers meant to me more than I can say to you guys. All I can do is write this post and hope that if someone ever reads it, they will understand, just a little bit, why green flowers are now my favourites while I don't think much of those hideous blue roses.

G'night, ghost horde, don't become strangers.